Don't strew me with roses after I'm dead.
When Death claims the light of my brow
No flowers of life will cheer me: instead
You may give me my roses now!
   -- Thomas F. Healey

There is no use in denying it.  I'm almost dead.  My death is imminent, it is to be expected real soon now.  Fortunately there are means to very precisely determine the date of one's death and lucky me has found a service, TheSpark.com, to do exactely that for me.  "Fortunately?" you ask?  Yes, fortunately!  For now that I know the very day Death (see photo) will date me I can use the little time I've left staying on this planet the way I want to use it.  Now I can plan, make priority decisions based on hard data and can carefully arrange all the things to be done so that I do them in their proper sequence.

Death - der Schnitter - de Dood click photo to enlarge (.JPG, 529kB)

[German]  Es ist sinnlos, es zu leugnen oder zu verdrängen:  mein Tod steht kurz bevor, ich bin schon so gut wie tot.  Glücklicherweise gibt es im Web Dienste, die etwas genauere Angaben machen können, und einen dieser Dienste, TheSpark.com, habe ich in Anspruch genommen, um den Zeitpunkt meines Todes zu erfahren.  "Glücklicherweise?" fragt Ihr?  Ja, glücklicherweise!  Denn nun, da ich weiß, wann meine Verabredung mit dem Schnitter ist (siehe Photo), kann ich mir den kurzen Rest meines Lebens viel besser einteilen, die wichtigen Dinge tun - und das auch noch in der richtigen Reihenfolge.

And now, folks, I'm about to share the knowledge of one of my most private moments with you.  Dying isn't something you do everyday; in fact it is an once-in-a-lifetime-experience (unless you're either that Jesus guy or married), it is an event whose end is in some way determined (by your rotting corpse) and in another way is extremly disputed.  What I want to say: the day of one's death is kind of an important day in one's life.

Now I am willing to let you all know when I will die.  Be prepared to be confronted with the most distracting probabilities about the way my soul will leave this planet.  Do not read any further if you think you might not be ready to face these truths!  Beware the moment of what you are about to read -- and perhaps exult at the joyfull visions my perishing gives to you.

Thus, here they are, the results of my DeathTest (found at TheSpark.Com).  I sincerely hope that one or the other of you guys will be able to party on that day.  It would be nice if you'd have a drink (or three) on poor dead me. 

CU in the purgatory whirl pool!

Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on: May 15, 2059 at the age of 86 years old. On that date you will most likely die from: Cancer (23%) Horrible Accident (19%) Electrolysis (11%) Alien Abduction (7%) Heart attack (5%) Homicide (5%) Interesting stats from the DeathTest: 7479547 people have taken the DeathTest. Of those, 54% were female and 46% were male. The average life expectancy of test takers is 67 years. 9% of test takers have hairy nipples. 4% have had team sex. 8% work in the porn business. And 109267 people claim to have leprosy. Note: You can send this test to someone else just by forwarding this page: http://www.thespark.com/deathtest/